Burnt Out?
Bonjour! Comment allez-vous? Je suis fatiguee.
sigh. guess the above [burnt out] is true. Look at this dusty old blog. crap. and I sleep sooo late nowadays in some futile attempts in the rush of completion of all those crappy homeworks. I don't think that particular talk is of much use anyway, seriously. Not as if one day of "lessonless" day would solve the problem. And so many people complained of sooo many things. C'mon, what's wrong with you people? I bet that at the end of these 2 years, I'm one of those few who have actually covered the most elective modules !! I had ALWAYS feel this level of stress. and now, when the number of core modules actually increased by only 2-3 MC, they are complaining so much. Just accept the fact. It's the way you plan all your stuffs. you have to learn to sacrifice things one way or the other. If you want your youth and experience what is known as life, then you would have to sacrifice your grades and studies a bit. You can't have the ultimate best of both worlds. The society and the world isn't so perfect out there. You've got to come out of that shell and try to adapt to what's given to you and accept that fact. Last yr, in sem 1, while many people are enjoying their time with only 4 MCs of humanities, or even none, I'm struggling with 8 MCs of humanities + 3MCs of electives. In sem 2, most ppl are packed. But I ended up with a total of 38 MCs(core and elective). And even last sem I took up an additional 7MCs (elective, and core humanities). Obviously this sem is much worse. But I've got no choice. The choice is not always yours.
It's actually much much worse for people like nic wong, who has like 5 or 6 instruments to practise (and his grades are very high, meaning that he has to spend HOURS practising on each instrument), and he also has lessons like fencing and martial arts. Like whoa, so many stuffs, how can you cope? SACRIFICE!! sacrifice your sleeping time, eating time, even at the expense of homework, as he said. Well, it's the similar case for me, I guess. Last time, when I USED to be free-er, I USED to study for my tests and quizzes. However, right now, it seem close to impossible to study for them. There's simply no time. On Mondays, I end at 6pm, with 2 hrs of free period that I have to fully utilise, if not, I'll have no time to complete my homework. On Tuesdays, I end at 6, with an hr of free period. On wednesdays, I end at 6, with a mind full of foreign language (that's besides the point), with no free period. On thursdays, I end at 6 again, with abt an hr of free period. On Fridays, I end at 5 again.. It's SOOOO LATTTTEEEE every single day, even later than the average student. Gawd, how could I cope. On Saturdays, I have chinese bu ke in sch at 11, followed by eng tuition (u noe how bad my eng is), and later, church youth c.g. until 7 or 8. THEN finally, I get back to my home sweet home. Reach home usually at 8.30 or 9, bathe, then start to rush homework all the way until this time. On Sunday mornings, have church (which I pon this few wks... too much work), followed by lunch, then rush to violin lesson, then rest 1/2 hr, then go for piano lesson, then theory lesson. until a pathetic 5pm. Then I have dinner, and rush home. Everything is rush rush rush, even this entry. so all in all, I only have about 11 hrs to do ALL my homework, and study for quizzes and study for tests. HOW BRILLIANT. Is it enough? Obvious answer: NO! I still got to spend time practising the instruments. So in the end, I have to sacrifice my sleep. Too bad. There's no life for you people? Then what about me? A dead person? guess so. I've GOT NO LIFE AT ALL. no time for tv programs, no time for blogging, no time spent alone to think and ponder over important stuffs that will decide my future, most importantly, no time for quiet time with GOD!! That's the thing that I can't stand. I don't mind sacrificing everything else, but then I hate it especially when I'm so loaded with my schwork and proj work that I would have to skip church. I really hate that sense of guilt and awkward distance between me and God these days.
Ohoh.. and my music composition... that is so... *ahems* screwed. Sigh, I feel like a failure. After spending like exactly 5 days on it (2 and a 1/2 wkends), I still can't come up with a nice melody and harmony. sigh. And dr wong and improvise on a song like within 5 seconds? not even 5 minutes. so pro.. Oh man, that makes me feel worse. gah. guess that I'm not even really a good music student. I'm not even up to most of the music students' standards la. People like lynn and eunice and jasmine... err.. their standards are just sky-high or something.just too far beyond reach [haha, with this comparison, dr wong's standard is far far beyond the galaxy, the universe, even further than beyond reach. lol] Sigh.. music composition sure does take up a lot a lot of time and patience and commitment. (this is my 5th draft of a total rearrangement of the music) ahh... music mutation, or music evolution, u may call it. XD
Well, I find that after ranting this whole chunk, I feel much better inside. haha, well, I guess that's because I haven been blogging for juz too long and that little itch for blogging came tugging at my fingers again. heh. Oh, and I blog at the expense of my phy hw set. oh, how pro can I get?? PRIORITISE!! FOCUS, girl. meh, so unfocused and distracted. well, maybe that's because I can't concentrate 24 hrs on jus work and work and work alone.. well, have been blogging for 15 mins alr. GET BACK TO WORKK!!!
Alrighty, that's all right now. Sigh. i need to finish my music composition and phy hw set in the next 38hrs... or else.. (u noe wat) *groans*.. deadlines, oh deadlines. Monday blues. Li lao shi scolding for not being punctual. 2 hrs chem lesson. + bio lesson. evolution. and music.oh music. I'm getting stressed because of the melodious noise that I create. [irony? lol] I bet I'm haunting everyone else with every crack of my pathetic dissonant chords. HOW DO YOU HARMONISE PROPERLY?!?!?! argh. never mind, hope that dr wong will just have selective hearing for my piece or something. sigh... gdnite then. it's too late in the night already. talk about choices. making decisions about your life. I'll pray about it. What's with all the uncertainties, i feel like walking on the water or quicksand. when will I step on the solid ground again? oh, what am i talking about, so incoherent. nvr mind.
gdnite.
Je me couche. Au revoir.
Who knows the turn that makes it gone.
A wrong step off the peaceful shore,
Can land you up with a lion's roar.
All good that come will never stay,
All hopes narrowed to a single ray.
Who will know all my deepest fears,
And care to wipe my lonely tears?