Oh my 天!
Goodness! Didn't know OP slides are due tmr until this morning when Maddy told me! Grahs. So blur. So mad with myself now la. =( I don't even know how to start ok. :( PW is just CRAP and BULLSHIT la.
Aiya, today is just another sian day. Took back all promos results already. Thank God I will get promoted and so can go Cambodia OCIP. But I doubt I can continue 4H2s. :'( If that's really the case, then I'll just give up totally on my research project because there's no use doing it already. Haiz. 早知今日，何必当初？But but... wait a minute. I don't even have a 当初 to 何必 about la. In the beginning I've already not been slacking so what more could I have done?? Sigh. got a super freaking shitty ass (pun intended) for my ECONS. crap. T_T And the worst part is that you know you've put in a lot a lot a lot of effort into it. In fact, the MOST effort into it, but the results just don't show. I dropped by 5 grades at one shot. ouch. But surprisingly, it doesn't hurt as much as I expected it to be. Perhaps I've prepared for it already?
Had class cip meeting after school. Went to balestier area there to look see. Everyone was so sian about promos results. Except mx.. good la, she can maintain 4H2s lor, ABBC ma. haiz, unlike me. Tried talking to her about my *ahem* results.. but 越讲越 depress leh. Like whatever I say she will somehow say until it's my fault like that lor. Haiz. Probably cos she doesn't understand 吧. To some extent, I think it's my fault. But not to THAT extent that she'd put it.
1) I acknowledge that it is my fault that I have not been consistent and studied rather last minute.
2) I acknowledge my fault that I have POOR TIME MANAGEMENT and spent TOO MUCH UNNECESSARY TIME on PW right before promos.
3) Other than that, I think whatever that happened during that period of time was really beyond my control.
我没勇气对父母说起这件事。I'm not ready to face it. YET.
While looking around the place and walking, I kept thinking "aiya, whatever has happened has happened already. Then let it be. This is really what God has decided to provide for you. Just accept it." Then on the other hand, I thought "So... how do I tell my parents? I can't just say that this is what God has given me right?? Aiya they just don't understand.. I don't feel like telling them." Haiz.. it's been a really 'thoughtful' time.
I desparately need someone to talk to. But who? :( everyone has their own problems already, and I don't wish to burden them anymore. It's not that I don't have faith in God, but sometimes, you just feel like letting everything out, to another physical tangible being.
seesh. sometimes I think that I'm so immature and so stupid. Why can't I solve my own problems? Why is it that I can advise others and can't find solutions to my problems? :(
I feel so small, so helpless, so useless.