It's now February.
Duh. My title sounds lame. Haha.
But... What I would like to say is, January flew by so scarily fast that I'm afraid I couldn't keep track of time at all!! I felt as if I've wasted the entire month away doing nothing productive in particular and busying myself with don't-know-what. And no, I've not studied for a single test last month. Goodness, I wonder what's becoming of me. :((
I realised that I LOVE to procrastinate A LOT. A GREAT deal. Which is bad, really bad. I tend to avoid doing GP and Econs tutorial simply because I don't have the motivation to write the essays or outlines. It's either that, or perhaps I don't even have the content at all, so what's the point of writing? I don't have the zeal. :( Unlike in J1. Sigh.
Actually, I don't mind dropping to H1 Econs because I don't see the point in mugging like hell for 4H2s when I don't even know whether I can pass my H3 (since my mentor gave such a negative - maybe even to the extent of negative infinity - feedback). There's oral defence at the end of the month but I don't feel like doing anything for it. I have this strong force in me that keeps telling me to stay away from it. Procrastination again? Or simply phobia? I choose to believe it's the latter.
Sigh, but parents, as usual, wouldn't want to lose face so frankly speaking, I'm under LOTS of pressure to perform for Econs. And as I've said countless times, the more pressure I get, the more I'll screw up/ not do well for it. And in this case, the more pressure I get, the more I don't feel like studying for it, unless friends study with me.
I'm beginning to hate school life now, I wonder why. Perhaps it's because school is so mundane and routine with the lousy timetable and super boring CCAs. There's nothing interesting. :( At least there's lab sessions to look forward to in year 3 & 4, especially when we were doing molecular biology. Now, bio pract is filled with enzymes, enzymes and more enzymes. Grah....
Or maybe because sitting in the front row causes unnecessary pressure. I feel so super lagging behind among classmates' discussions regarding academic work. There's bio test this coming tuesday, and I bet there'll be lots of bio discussions going around tomorrow, but I'll not understand a single bit because of the plain fact that I've not bothered reading anything related to bio at all over the weekends.
I think I'm taking on the 'Who cares?' attitude (esp. from Li wei. Haha.). :( But really, who cares about marks and results and assignments and tests and exams?
坚持就是胜利。
加油吧，虽然情况不乐观，我相信一切都会变得更好。我行的。
坚持吧。