It's been a tiring week.
Oh well, this week isn't really good. In fact, it's been downright depressing. uh huh.
I realize that when I'm stressed, I write poems (I feel as if I'm reliving my Year 4 days, which is absolutely NOT a good sign. D: ). Well, it's one of the best thing that I can focus on anyway (other than maths).
Infer it for yourself. If you know me well enough, you'll understand.
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Monday, 31/3/08
My lost childhood innocence
The simple pleasures, from a new toy,
The blissful laughter, happiness and joy,
The curious wonder, purest of mind,
No clouded perceptions gained through time.
A blooming flower, so bright and gay,
Warm yellow sun rays, fill up their days.
White as an angel, a blanket of snow,
Innermost fire, warmth in the cold.
That is the lost childhood innocence,
That is the lost childhood conscience,
I miss times when nothing mattered, when all was fine,
But now that bliss is shattered, I'm treading a thin fine line
The pressure's building up and I'm slipping away,
Darkened perception blocks out light of the day.
Confusion commotion, the skies turn to gray,
Can't outrun the shadow so I might as well stay.
Need to find the eye of my hurricane,
Where things are calm and life is sane.
Cause I'm caught on the edge, spinning around,
From a thousand feet up & I'll fall to the ground.
The army advancing, no place to go,
The curtains close; it’s the end of the show.
Digging my grave with my own bare hands,
The crowd cheers and everyone stands.
Appreciation, recognition, a happy ending,
Two tears flow, for joy and for sorrow,
Never know what it'll be like tomorrow,
For onto my body the dirt they shovel.
Take courage, just say it.
...............
Tuesday, 1/4/08
At night when the world was dark and asleep,
Through my bedroom window the moonlight did creep,
To light up the darkness inside of me,
To chase away loneliness and accompany me.
It led the way when I walked at night,
Guiding my steps as it shine so bright.
The moon determined the tides, be it high or low,
Determined where boats could or couldn't go.
My boat simply went along with the flow,
Till one night the moon completely disappeared,
It was that time of the month that I had feared.
For my life was only one month long,
For me the moon was forever gone.
I would never see it rising again,
Had I followed it all in vain?
(PTM tomorrow. shucks.)
...............
Wednesday, 2/4/08
What is my purpose here on this Earth?
Why must I prove to others my self-worth?
By studying, achieving and getting good grades,
Everyone wants to be the one turning heads.
I drag myself to school each morning,
To try to right my grades, they’re falling,
I try to learn, to understand,
I ask the teachers, ask my friend.
But it’s no bloody use,
I’ve really no excuse,
I’m stupider than you
And I’ll admit it’s true.
The tests are killers; the questions insane,
The only one I can answer is where they ask for my name.
The others busily writing, and I’m looking all around,
The teacher stares at me with a disapproving frown.
Staring blankly at the board at school,
It’s been two years, learnt nothing new.
The teacher's mouth moves, no sound escapes,
Just stare and nod, is all it takes.
Trapped in these four walls,
Six hours a day,
Just get it over with,
To be myself again.
For eighteen years now,
Been living someone else's life,
Listening to my parents and teachers' advice.
Everybody preaching about respect,
Everybody teaching me how to act,
Trying to set out white from black,
And now I ask "what's up with that?"
All telling me what I should do,
To be the kid they never could.
Living out the childhood they wanted so bad,
Grabbing the chances they never had.
What’s wrong with doing things the way I want to?
Why should I wear a mask that pleases you?
You may go around doing what others want,
But I’m myself, won’t ever put up a false front.
You had your chance growing up,
Now it’s my turn,
Let me screw it up,
So that I can learn.
I don't follow what you want me to,
Because now we're gonna play by MY rules.
It's my life; don't teach me how to live,
It's my world so you take what I will give.
I don’t give a damn if you’re not happy,
I couldn’t care less; you’re just so naggy,
I’m just gonna be me,
I just wanna be free.
I’m sick of you telling me what grades to get,
I’m sick of you defining what’s good and bad.
Enough is enough,
And it stops right here.
Can’t you see that I’m different,
And all I want to be,
Is to grow up to be the epitome,
Of someone proudly, truely me.
I study so hard but in the end I’ll still die,
And I wonder then if anyone is gonna cry,
But I wouldn’t care less
Because I’m already in eternal rest.
But there's no bloody use,
I’ve really no excuse,
I’m stupider than you
And I’ll admit it’s totally true.
...............
Thursday, 3/4/08Dark skies dangle high above,Deviod of any compassion and love.The dreary gloom and drab unfold,Of misery a thousand times untold.
That everything’s okay.
When actually I’m falling,
Deeper and deeper everyday.
And I say that I'm fine.
But the moment you turn away,
I cry till I go blind.
Glint of hope, suppressed, put away,
Never saw the light of day,
Inviting, warmly, cold to the touch,
Of mourning, regret, tears and such.
So can’t you see that I’m really
Bleeding inside
It’s eating me up alive
These emotions I can’t hide
Think about tomorrow don’t know what to expect,
Think about now, don’t know where or how,
Confused and scared like a little lost child.
Glimmer of hope growing so strong,
Till dark once more consumes and hides,
Escape, retreat in ended life.