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Sad stuffs...

prelims.
GP was the 'oh-shit, what to write?' kind of screwed up.
Chem was the 'damn-it I should have studied organic chem' kind of screwed up.
Econs was the 'what's the question asking for?' kind of screwed up.
Bio was the 'flip-and-flip-and-flip-with-never-ending questions' kind of screwed up. So in the end also cannot finish like a quarter of the paper.
Maths was the 'damn-the-GC-why-answer-so-weird' kind of screwed up.

P.S. Hello charis, I've decided not to love statistics anymore. Does that break your heart? :P
and szemin, I need to borrow your brain for GP and economics. What's the interest rate for borrowing huh? heh.

AND MORE TO GO AFTER SEPT HOLIDAYS. :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
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Happy stuffs...

Stayed in school to study during a three-hour break after chem paper before econs paper. Some of us stayed back to have lunch (mainly those taking H2 econs). I feel really really really happy + blessed + everything positive because it's really out of my expectation that so many people are willing to support me at the award ceremony at science centre, JURONG EAST, for the stats thing. :DDD
-Shu Ann (she stays in PASIR RIS.. like the other side of the island. omg.)
-Suyi, Xinyi, Darren, Eirene (like all around TP area)
-Madeline
-Mei Xiu
-Sin Yean
Eh.. let me count.. that's like 8 people? From T28. 1/3 of the class is going there. yayyyy :)))) Much loves!! (Don't laugh at me when I'm wearing blazer ah.)
REALLY THANK YOU SO MUCH PEOPLE FOR DECIDING TO COME DOWN TO LEND ME YOUR SUPPORT!!!!!!!!

Oh and btw.. now I realised why the school made a big deal out of me getting 2nd. It's because the school's going to get a FREE SAS software (latest version) from SAS organisation. In case you're wondering, it's a kind of statistics software for advanced statistical analysis, usually used in research institutes or financial organisations. (not fair!!! when I asked for it to do my h3 project last year they say they don't have!! And so, I have to be contented with what I can get out of microsoft excel. then now.... argh.. what the... To put it nicely, guess I'm always the one paving the way for others. To put it crudely, I'm just not 'heng' enough.)
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Don't know to be happy/sad...

Received an sms from a rather close friend during my long absence from school... and it read:
"...and that's what friends are for!! :) take care!"

I don't know the exact reason why, but I suddenly just broke down after reading that phrase. It's oh-so-familiar. I know exactly who said that before. The EXACT SAME phrase. And that's sometime back in 2005, when sch life was worse than upside-down in that temporary Mt Sinai old RJC campus. And if you look back into my archive, I DID blog about it too. AND THAT WAS 3 YEARS BACK. 3 years.

-censored- -for wsm only-
omg.. sze min.. I think life's really different without you in school. Without you sitting at my left-hand side during lessons. Without you drawing random pictures of match-stick figures. Without you sharing the agony of studying physics. Without your 'PASSION' as you complain about the school system along with me... without you helping me to edit my essays.. without you eating that omelette thingy with me during breaks...without you 'choinging' reports/projects with me for any pair/group projects...with your 'slow-and-steady-sure-win' attitude... with you being so uncompetitive and trying to encourage me all the time...

I feel really happy that we could still keep in contact after not being in the same school for 2 years. But I also feel really sad that our friendship is becoming more and more superficial. Don't you think so? right? Sometimes I wonder, people (including you & I) change over the years.. and I wonder whether the depth of friendship could be maintained... Like, if I were to get into the same course as you in Uni, would we still be as close as before? Would we still understand one another without even any verbal communication? I'm really afraid to find out the answers to these questions, for fear that the answer would be 'no', yet I can't help to wonder.

It's probably this tiny little hope that you and charis would forever remain to be my best and closest friends that sorts of prevent me from becoming too emotionally connected with my current classmates and schoolmates. I unconsciously created a shawl around myself such that physically I may be present and look happy among them, but deep inside, I somehow felt no happiness. No real happiness. That's really ironic, but it's true. Yes, I could say that I'm actually doing better in this school, but I constantly dwell upon the past, and relived the happiness when thinking of the past, especially in year four (and not of the present). I don't know and don't care if you find me weird after reading all these... but really, you played a great role in my life.

I think it's because of this that I sort of remain slightly disconnected with the rest in school. And I think, if I recounted properly, that in fact I only talked about school work in school, nothing personal, and almost nothing else. Boring right? I wonder how I've actually touched the life of this other girl, eirene, who wrote that exact same phrase in her sms to me. It's probably because I felt hypocritical that's why I cried?? I don't know. But seriously.. I think my 'friends' here are more like acquaintances, and I have a strong feeling that friendships forged here would not last beyond school. And I've also made the decision to go overseas 8 hours after my last A levels Bio paper so that I can skip prom and don't have to see my classmates again. But really, they are treating me ok, but I simply do not feel the sense of joyfulness and homeliness (if that's the correct word to be used) when I hang out with them. Haiz.. I don't know. But yea, thanks a lot szemin (and charis) for being my confidante.
-uncensored-
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To be decided...

turning 18 in about 6 hours. I think some of my friends are eating out with me?? not sure. huuuh. but cheryl suggested that we eat with mrs hoe but then I think I'll eat until very xin ku cos I'm still scared of her though she isn't our teacher anymore. heh.

(Though I hope to remain 17 forever.)

and I just realised that I possibly need to present my statistics poster in front of some important people on 3rd sept, so now I'm feeling superly and unnecessarily jin zhang about it.

tmr is teacher's day celebration. :)
I wonder whether we would still have a teacher's day in university. hahaaha. just a thought. but anyway, I hope it would be more meaningfully spent rather than last year. If you want to know what I did on teachers' day celebration last year.. I got myself tired out by sleeping at 5am the night before while choinging out the 2nd draft of pw wr and waking up at 5.30am to catch the 2nd bus to school. then after the celebration, stayed back in school until 5pm to review the ENTIRE report together with Mr Lee, while the rest of the school has either gone back to their secondary schools, or catch a movie with their friends or something. Haha, I hope he'll have a peaceful teacher's day this year too, without having any consultations after the celebration. heh. And I wonder why I could remember so many of these unnecessary details... but nothing goes into my brain for econs. :S oops.


eh.. teachers do indeed play a huge role in moulding a student yea? lol. though I'm not the perfect one. haha.

....

and so...

the journey continues....

would I eventually become one too?