THE END
This is to put a final full-stop to the stories of my life thus far. Moving on with life, I've created a whole new chapter to record the happenings of the new chapter in life. And if you're destined/fated to know it, you'll know it. :D
Read: This blog is dead.
That Final Goodbye
Why is it so hard to bid farewell?
2 years of post-secondary education.... It just HAD to end like this.
老师, 您为什么要这样对我？
我是否犯了什么大罪?
为什么要这样对我？
I had never experienced such a painful farewell with a teacher you'd trusted, respected and looked up to so much (well, at least for the past 2 years).
And to think that I ACTUALLY broke down, in a place called the school, in front of the teacher I'd trusted so much. It's inconceivable. It really is. To think that I had always pride myself by not shedding a single tear in front of a single other person.... well, perhaps other than my brother, in a rather weirdest and most awkward circumstance some time recently, some 40 days ago. Or thereabout.
This thing. It just had to happen. Oh well, at least it had been a trial thorough enough to uncover the real personality behind the other person. Had it not?
And I had learnt a painful but valuable lesson. Anyway, life's about learning right? *forced smile* In future, I'll never ever put my trust completely in another human, other than God.
In any case, the shutters in my heart had rolled down to draw an end to my journey for the past two years in a place called the school.
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That aside,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY EIRENE KOH!!! (=
Have fun on your birthday.
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Phew! Last minute packing hadn't been fun, but well, at least it's all done.
Hmm, other than that...
Charis, thank you for praying for me throughout these period of emotional and spiritual turmoil and unrest. Thank God for the sustenance He had provided me throughout these 40 days of total shit. Thank God for choosing me or my dad to be David to serve Him whole-heartedly, and knocking down the giant Goliath with just a plain mere stone.
I believe that there's more to come. There will be. But I'll be more prepared now, to take everything in God's perfect timing.
In times like this, only God, and Him Alone, would understand and care to wipe my tears all away.
Well, one more.
Aha! God DID answer my prayer. I was really fine and alright during bio paper today!! =)
Well.. until the examiner says stop writing, at least.
And here I go all over again.
Yay? ._. This is getting really sickening.
And so I'm recuperating once again, hoping that I'll be ok for Thursday's 75 minutes paper, I hope. *crosses finger*
Haiz.
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Ok more about today's paper.. It's ok I guess? Except that last page. Was left with half an hour for the essay and guess what? It was the freaking same questions which I did THREE YEARS AGO in 2005. A stupid 2000 word essay on 'Discuss the implications of the Human Genome Project.'
So much for getting a B+ for that huh. And now I can't even remember half of whatever I'd written. T_T I really don't know whether to :) or :(((( at that instant...
(Let me see if my memory is bad, or it's normal to forget projects that one had done..... wsy and wsm, can u guys remember what you've written for that?)
It's only when I returned home and sort out my oh-so-messy table that I realised that we actually had a 4-page notes on human genome project. And it was chucked somewhere in an incovenient place on my table. T__________T Haiz. I hate, really hate stupid social/ethic implications questions. There's no science behind ethics thingies lah. That whole last question was pure regurgitation (which I can regurgitate nothing) and there's totally nothing science about it at all la! Well, only perhaps for the benefits part.
Sigh, anyway what's done is done already lah, no point crying over spilt milk right? Right. So look ahead. :) (And smile, cos Eirene's birthday is coming. Ok, irrelevant. hahaha.)
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Nushians graduated last week, I heard. Like, finally. And the top student was Yun Zhi? Actually not really surprising la, she'd lived up to her sec school's name.. confirm rgs student should be able to do well right? In any case, congrats to her. (:
[And while the whole world... well, whole island, at least... of 18-year-olds have graduated, I'm still pretty stuck in my current situation. Neither am I really still in the school, nor out of it. But whichever way, in or out, there's one thing for sure: I'm going to wear the stupid blue skirt and blouse for another 75 minutes of my LIFE this thursday, afterwhich I'm gonna BURN them ALL. Ok, maybe not, well maybe throw them all away- while I still kept the white polo-shirt & green skorts in a pretty safe place in my closet. :) ]
....And this brings me back all over again, to the beginning. Why had I even set foot in a JC anyway? Whyyy?
Stepping into nus high.. a regret? Possibly.
Stepping out of nus high... a regret? Definitely.
But no matter what, 2T28 had been the most fabulous class EVER (well, other than fhps 6B'02). And no matter what happens, may it be 10 or 15 years from now, I will still LOVE T28 from the bottom of my heart. :D
Whatever it is, the end of the journey of 2 years is drawing near. In THREE days time. only 3. Hang in there... But it wouldn't only mark an end to uniform-ed life. It signifies the beginning. The beginning of us experiencing the world out there. The beginning of it all. And I hope that this time, I would cherish this opportunity to walk a path which I would leave no regrets. Ever. I hope to tread the path with determination and zeal, with drive and motivation, to make decisions at crossroads with faith and walk out a path for myself from there with enthusiasm, fuelled by burning passion. For I had come to a realisation that without passion and zeal, everything seems meaningless (good example is studying two freaking years of Econs).
Counting down to the day when freedom will befall on me. It would mean that I'm a step closer to the real world. But after staying within my shell of comfort and warmth for the past 18 years, I couldn't help but to wonder, am I really fully prepared for it? All these studying and mugging, how far can it bring us to? All these 'skills' or so-called 'life-skills' that we'd acquired during student-development or mentoring lessons, are they even enough to provide us with the foundation to face the challenges ahead?
How much had formal education prepare us for the real world? Or does it only worsen our illusions, sinking more deeply into the reel world? Really, how prepared are we, if at all?
Aiya, after talking so much, let me come back once again to reality. I'm only 18, void of experience and full of immaturity, and at this current state, have not even completed the A levels. Back to life, one more paper to go. Three days, one more.
Before I say, 'Hi China, Hi Samuel!' and 'Happy Birthday Eirene!'.
Smiley.
I really hope that I'll be fully recovered by Monday for Bio Paper 3. And Paper 1 on Thursday too.
God, let me take the last 2 papers with a clear mind and healthy body.
Will be taking my last dose of (super yuccckkkyyyy) Magnesium Trisilicate medicine after lunch.
YAYYYY.
And also no more Colimix. Double Yayness.
Wah lao these 3 months I've drowned myself in medicines la. Different colours, different tastes, different textures, different sizes of tablets etc.
I sound like a drug addict.
Need to build up my immune after A's.
Now I shall just pacify my tummy and my nose.
Smiley.
Continued
Ah yes, as I was saying this afternoon, before my violin lesson....
GP down,
Maths down,
Econs down,
Chem down.
Bio left.
2 more.
Only two.
ONLY.
2.two.deux.
There had been ups and downs. Whichever way, I just want to commit everything to God. He had been and will be my guide, my source of encouragement, my motivator, my helper to pull me through all these. I would be dead, really DEAD, long ago, if not for His help.
Think about this. I only sat for GP and Maths paper 1 with a totally clear mind and healthy body. It's only 2 days into the A's and here I (my health) go, all over again. That stupid cramp, and all was unleashed. Literally. And to think of it, Econs is the WORST. WORST paper I'd ever sat for in my entire life. Imagine, 3 essays within 135 minutes with a stupid gastric (and I very cleverly forgot to bring my medicine along). One hand scribbling answers frantically, the other clamping down on my disobedient stomach with intervals of wiping my tears away. It sucked. It really did.
But I'm here to testify. A miracle happened. It really did. The moment the examiner said 'Time is up, stop writing, pens down', I really put a full-stop to my THIRD essay. It's the FIRST time ever I completed ALL THREE essays for paper 2. (Whether I was writing bullshit or not, I wasn't quite sure, cos I was more concerned over fighting with the pain.) All throughout the past 2 years, I only finished TWO essays at best, sometimes 1.5 only. But this time, in the midst of the pain and tears, GOD HELPED ME. And I DID it.
Somehow, I didn't know how. All I knew was, that 135 mins was the worst time ever. It felt like the torture's never going to end. And I was praying all throughout.
Oh well. What was done had been done. And the rest is pretty much in God's Almighty hands. Hallelujah!
God will make a way,
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength for each new day
He will make a way,
He will make a way.
I was glad that He spoke to me today.
Mark 11:24
Whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
The words so clear. His words so promising, so dear.
And I believe.
I believe.
x_X
What the heck?!
My violin has grown mould on it! DAMN DISGUSTING LA!
wth wth wth wth wth wth
MY VIOLIN!!!!
**goes berserk**
Wah lao. I only didn't play it for 3 weeks la! 22 days only. ONLY. T_T
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on a side note, SIX more days before 'Hi Samuel!!!!!!!' face-to-face. Yay. SIX. ONLY SIX. :) Less than a week. only 6 days = 144 hours. Less than 150 hours. Kay I sound desperate. Lol. I AM.
Samuel I miss you so so so much. Miss you so desperately. :((((
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Haiz.
In any case, GP, CHEM, ECONS are ALL out of my lifeeee for GOOOD. OUT OF MY LIFE. :)
Maths is momentarily out too. But more to come next year? Perhaps.
Oh ya, on a random note, Econs theory doesn't hold after this global economics crisis. See? TOLD YOU. Econs is a piece of theoretical bullshit that doesn't hold in real life. There's gonna be a HUGE revamp to the old theories to fit new ones that describe the current economic situation now, I'm sure.
Oh well.
That's all for now.
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Violin lesson now. YAY. Bye.
First
First school-international exam ever.
First national exam in like 6 years? It's a damn long time and I've already forgotten how I'd done it in Primary School.
The only feeling is that I have no feeling about it.
Paradoxical? Obviously.
Let me do something that reason cannot fathom and Science cannot explain. Miracles DO happen, and that's precisely why Science cannot displace religion completely and religion is here to stay, no matter how marginalised it would/had become.
Love is in the air. :)
Charis, thank you so so much.
Samuel, it's only 14 days - only FOURTEEN, and I miss you so desperately already. :(
17 more days before I could see you again. :)
And here we go
The start of the single-digit countdown has arrived.
:) or :( ?
Don't know. Can't tell.
Whatever it is...
May the light of God shine through me.
May God work wonders with me, through me, using me.
May the labours of my hands bring Glory to Him. And Him Alone.
May the fruits of my labour bear GREAT testimony of His Name.
May I surrender each and every single detail to Him, in His Holy Name.
This is HIS war. Not mine.
Because everything happens for His purpose, in His perfect timing.
It's time like this that I'd wished I'd taken Physics instead of Bioooo.
Damn it.
I'm so NOT prepared for the A's. :(((((((((((((((((
Wasted a week by slacking and sleeping. T__________________T
Haiz. 15 more days to the exams. no timeee. What's new? :(
Life sucks, more so, if the days and nights are crammed full of econs (wth).
on a side note, I'd taken 4 years to reach the 200th post. slow huh. lol.
Prelims results' a joke. Seriously.
I'm becoming skeptical of my GP and Econs grades. I've a bad feeling that it follows a Poisson Distribution. rare occurrence. Hope not. *crosses finger* And I hope that I wouldn't be like China (progressing too fast... like my marks for GP increased by 54%, and 40% for Econs). I hope this is a steady progress. :) [I still love stats... ok, irrelevant. Haha.]
During GP lesson today, I asked the teacher about an unmarked point for summary and she went ''yea, the marker should have given you one mark for this point. I think she missed it out. But sorry, I can't change your marks now, it's being keyed into the system and it's already closed yesterday. So just have to live with it.''
My response was, 'Wa lao'. (It's a grade difference, hello.)
I mean, seriously, if you were me, would you have said the same?
Really puts the reliability of these grades into question. People who really got the marks are not awarded accordingly, while those who didn't even make it to the grade could miraculously have another one mark the next time they checked their score. And then we have the hero Bio teacher who could just change marks that were 44 to 45, 54 to 55, 59 to 60, 69 to 70 without any basis whatsoever.
And Econs grades were moderated 5 marks. Yes, I agree that everyone is happy and such, but if it were the A levels, there's no room for moderation and their criteria for the grades are already set 3 years ago, even before they marked our scripts. It's not marked by a T-score concept like the PSLE, where they could have moderation and such if the entire cohort didn't do as well as expected.
And I'm starting to wonder whether this exams were reflective, if at all, of my standards and my potential at the A levels.
And all that crap with predicted grades and such, it's a joke, really, when our school's system could just change marks anytime. just to boost some people's marks and make them look better, especially so for the seemingly better students.
Anyway, during break today, I felt hurt and a bit pissed by some particular people who talked to me and spoke like he/she knew a great deal and spoke to me in a tone as if I'm 2nd grade to him/her but actually I think he/she is just too smart for his/her own good. To the person: Hello, the world doesn't revolve around you. Throw a stone at anyone from the elite group and chances are, they are much better than you.
But thanks a lot to Cheryl (Tan). :) I feel really enlightened after her purposeful speech on 'God has a plan for you.' Haha. :D
Nevertheless, I still want to thank God for all my achievements this prelims, as He had given me the motivation and hope that perhaps Econs and GP aren't as intimidating as they seem. And I also want to thank God for the slips I'd made accidentally during this round of exams so that I may learn from them in time for the A levels, not to rest on my laurels and neglect the Sciences, though I may be slightly more inclined to them.
XD
I really love the XD face in the picture on zooming's blog. Hahaha!! It really describes my mood now. XD
I broke TWO records during this prelims.
I PASSED ECONS FOR THE FIRST TIME after failing it for the umpteenth time this year. XD
TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!! :) :) :) :) :)
...
...
...
...
... ... ... And FAILED CHEM for the FIRST TIME EVER in my life. DX
Consultation with Mr Lee is always so enlightening, and puts everything back into perspective. :)
Just 40 more days, hang in there, no more, no less.
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Yes zooming, I've read everything in your email. And cried. It's either you're always too good with your words, or I'm just abnormally emotional. Haha. You meant so much to me, you really do. A lengthy reply coming soon (probably in dec). Oops, haha. But in the meantime, work hard for your very last final exams (like, after going through so much right, just give it the best last shot.) XD I know you can do it!! :)) And have fun during prom!!! (during which I'm in China. Haha.)
With regards to your tag, I've blogged. :P
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rene, I totally agree with you!!
You too k! It'll soon be over, I'm sure. Just forget about everything and start anew. New hopes, goals, and everything.
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And if anyone from T28 is reading this, please bring $5 for class fund tomorrow. What's left is only -$37.40. Yes, your eyes are not playing tricks with you, that's the amount we have, with that negative sign.
And oh yes, why do I have to end off with 'bring $5 tmr' after every post recently? lol.